Undoubtedly the top story of 2017 is the resurrection of Ol’ Dirty Bastard. Recently we caught up with him as he re-joined the ensemble of the Wu Tang Clan. We quickly confirmed that he has a brand new physical form that is identical to the one he had at 24 years of age. Except this incarnation of ODB has a magically enhanced phallus that can shoot an extremely fertile ball of lighting, among other things. Eyewitness reports suggest that this lightning is sometimes fatal, and according to one source close to ODB, gets every female in the blast radius who survive “pregnant as shit”
“I saw it. It was wonderful. ODB 2.0’s new cock is about 15 inches long and as thick as a soup can.“
– Donald Trump
“He make large boom in my back door area. I was frightened. I find out that I am pregnant the next day.“
– Meliana Trump
“FOX News announced that ODB 2.0 has been officially declared the second coming of Jesus Christ, and indeed is the human form of the Lord Almighty. Among the many powers demonstrated to Frontline by the God of men, who now prefers to go by “ODB 2.0″, are his powerful telepathic abilities. ODB 2.0 mentioned to us that his favorite ‘God shit’ is a much-coveted type of telepathy that enables him to induce powerful and persistent orgasms in any woman he chooses, given that she was in his direct line of sight.”
The images you are about to see are not appropriate for young or sensitive viewers. Viewer discretion is strongly advised.
Enter ODB 2.0
ODB 2.0 is standing opposite of a voluptuous woman in her late 30s/early 40s directly across the street. He watches intently as she lays sprawled on the sidewalk in front of a local museum, with her back arched high and her hips rotating up and down in a blatantly sexual posture. At this point it becomes clear that her pelvic region is drenched in an inexplicable amount of vaginal secretions.A crowd gathers around to see what all the commotion is about. All eyes are drawn to the woman as she kicks the sandals from her feet. Her toes, clad in bright red nail polish, curl rhythmically into the pavement. Her eyes roll into the back of her head. Gleefully she shrieks and moans, mixed with repeated unintelligible obscenities that echo throughout the streets.Suddenly, a small but persistent stream of liquid is observed projecting through the polyester legging material covering her pelvis, leaving a wet trail on the sidewalk in front of her. A man close by later identified as her husband had became visibly distraught. He pleaded with her to get up off of the ground and return home with him, but she did not acknowledge him or anyone else around her.
That’s when ODB crossed the street and slowly walked up to the woman on the ground. Her husband, obviously noticing this, directed threats at the rapper, warning him not to come any closer to “Charlotte” – or else he says he will have no choice but to defend. At this, ODB 2.0 lazily grinned, revealing a mouthful of highly reflective metal, ‘Sheeeet…… ain’t got nothin’ to do with you fatty. Everybody see she wants it.”At this the man stood silent, wide eyed and looking at ODB and then back at his wife… “Please baby don’t do this…. Please god im begging you Charlotte…”, he said. For a moment she looked back up at him, seemingly acknowledging his desperation, flashing an expression of regretful confusion. She started to stand up when a slow “ripping” sound pierced the silence, and the woman froze and turned her head to see ODB unzipping his jeans, revealing the legendary dick of ages. Even flaccid it was an awe-inspiring sight to behold. Without looking back at her husband the woman sprang to her feet, quickly kneeling in front of and the most perfect phallus in the known universe and began to kneed it with both hands.Her husband gasped in horror as she proceeded to perform fellatio ODB as if she were underwater and the only oxygen was coming from this quickly enlarging Mag-light sized object. As she continued to passionately bob her head, ODB’s power continued to grow. Veins began to bulge. Even though his erection was every bit of 12 inches in length at this point, it stood independently from his torso at a perfect 45 degree angle. Not only was the length of it extreme, but it was also thick and as hard as a railroad spike. After she had fellated him for time, Big Baby Jesus suddenly guided her to stand up and climb on all fours onto a picnic table nearby. Her round ass protruded longingly into 2.0 as he slipped inside her. A white froth seemed to *explode* from her vaginal lips as she bucked wildly back and fourth, resulting in a series of very audible *queefing* and *slapping* noises. ODB then unleashed another one of his God-like abilities dubbed the ‘OMEGA stride’, which consists of steady jolting power thrusts at a perfect tempo of 180 beats per minute, that were now being directed squarely into the incoherent beauty. Each time he withdrew her pink lips clasped tightly around him, occasionally dripping or splashing fluids in an almost unnatural manner.Screams erupted from the crowd as the husband, who had sulked off and found a peice of iron gating, returned and rushed ODB; striking him across the back of head squarely, making a sound similar to a metal ball bat making contact with a fastball… the woman screamed “NOO you PIECE OF SHIT!”, as ODB, seemingly unphased, withdrew the now 15 inch weapon from the mans wife, pointed it at his attacker and fired a single white ball of electricity approximately the size of a grape into the lower abdomen of the bewildered man, throwing him through the air and into a brick wall, were he slumped into the ground. After the shot was fired, the woman had immediately began felating ODB again with even more passion than before. After a time she laid back and pinned both of her ankles behind her head. Young Dirty entered her once again, instantly yielding yet another round of white froth from the suctioning lips of her flawless vagina.The man now laying in the gutter bleeding, finally comes to and realises that his entire genitalia has been vaporised, and he screams in horror upon discovering that there is now only a charred mound of hamburger where his genitals used to be. He slowly crawls toward his wife of 15 years who is now lapsing in and out of consciousness from cumming for over 2 hours unceasingly. Unable to speak, he attempts to get her attention by reaching toward her and grasping her ankle. After a moment she kicks him in the face and screams “F**K OFF JERRY!” ODB, noticing this, presses his boot into the throat of the man, never breaking stride and once again reaching his OMEGA rhythm.As the emaciated man loses consciousness, a coagulation of booty juice and a half-pint of semen drips onto his face. His brow creases as he attempts to speak, but a pathetic gargling sound is all he can produce. After a few minutes his neck muscles slowly relax as he loses consciousness for the last time, and there is a splintering snap as his 2nd and 3rd vertebra shatter under the weight the supernatural MC. He open’s his eyes suddenly and Blood parses from his mouth. At this moment his wife’s pussy visibly pulsates tightly around the OMEGA dick and gushes a half of a pint of pearl-white liquid that runs down her ass crack, a portion of which drops into the mouth of Jerry Folkson as he gasps for air below her. ODB finishes, exclaiming “Wu-Tang is for LIFE!” before he quickly puts his dick back into his jeans, zips up and vanishes instantly into a cloud of mist.For a long time the woman lay unconscious. . .Finally, after waking up naked and spread-eagle beside the lifeless body of her husband,she screams “Where did my ODB go???” With that she quickly gathers herself and runs down the street frantically calling out for the reborn superstar, “ODB BABY WHERE YOU BE AT ODB BABY???”